


Promises Broken

by narnian_starkid



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post 9x04, Series 9, some references the accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:32:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narnian_starkid/pseuds/narnian_starkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It shouldn't have hurt; such an insignificant comment, made in jest. But it made no difference to him at that moment. </p><p>Based on the thought of a broken promise, confused emotions, and mates helping one piece himself back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises Broken

The glare of the laptop screen was the brightest source of light in the darkened room, its sole occupant having not bothered getting up and turning the lights on when the sun had set nearly two hours earlier. It wasn’t really because he couldn’t be bothered, it was because he had to get this script written, and he couldn’t waste precious time getting up to switch on an electrical light bulb that would flicker and fade temperamentally before grudgingly staying on. Okay, maybe there was a bit of ‘couldn’t be bothered’ in there somewhere, but he wasn’t going to readily admit that to himself.

Groaning and leaning back in his chair, Richard rubbed his tired eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Glancing at the clock on his screen, he wasn’t really surprised to see the time reading 7:30pm; he was supposed to be meeting Jeremy, James and Andy in half an hour. They were all heading down to the Italian place a few miles drive from the studio to discuss the upcoming special. 

That in itself was a scary thought.

Not the Italian place, they did a brilliant spaghetti bolognaise that he always looked forward to. No, it was the other part of that thought that scared him. The idea of this special: going to the North Pole.

Yes, the whole team will have had quite a lengthy break since airing the all-important ninth series by the time they were ready to leave for the Pole. But this wasn’t part of normal series, and certainly not one laced with such great importance and significance as the current, ninth series. It was a determined attempt to carry on as before, as though nothing had happened; so it really shouldn't be that scary.

It was surely going to be easier to than in the current series, he supposed. Seriously, it was literally staring them all in the face every single day.

'And every time they mentioned it didn’t help either', Richard thought somewhat bitterly. 

That had been why he had been desperate to make the other two promise not to mention it again. A dark chuckle rose in his throat, which – to a clear, unbiased ear – might have sounded slightly strangled. Of course, having promised not to mention it again, what did Jeremy (James knew not to) do barely two weeks later? He mentioned it.

Granted, it had been in a sort of roundabout way, but it had happened. He had played it off as a joke, rolling his eyes in an exasperated way, pretending it hadn’t hurt. 

The thing was, it had hurt. Probably more than it should have, but it had.

It wasn’t the mention itself that bothered him. Heck, he’d pretty much dealt with questions about it nearly every day since it had happened, they had become part of his life, just like the damage it had caused. No, it wasn’t that.

It was the sheer fact that he had asked that it not be mentioned on Top Gear again, and the other two had promised. And Jeremy had broken that promise. He probably couldn’t have avoided it, given that the joke had just been begging to be made.

Of course, he was probably totally over-thinking this and being way too sensitive about it, but knowing that made no difference to the confused emotions running around in his system that had been hurt and stung by such a seemingly insignificant comment.

'Now I know how everyone Jeremy’s ever offended feels', Richard thought drily. That made him smile slightly, before his thoughts began to wander again.

James was quite the opposite of Jeremy, not just after it had happened. Quiet, reserved, but possessing a wit and a rather odd sense of humour that left Richard amusedly baffled on the best of days. He’d been quite stand-off-ish about the whole affair, leaving Richard alone to sort his own thoughts and feelings out before coming and picking right up where they had left off. There was still that camaraderie, that good mateship, that fond irritation; essentially, everything was how it was before. Except for one thing: the carefulness.

It was something that Richard had noticed in his other close friends, colleagues, and family, and he could completely understand where it was coming from. But it was so frustrating! He wasn’t made of china for Christ’s sake!

A sudden, loud knock on the door startled Richard out of his reverie. Giving a tired “come in” in response, he wasn’t all that surprised to see the three men on the other side of the door.

“Hamster! You still working?” Jeremy was way too energetic for this time of night, Richard decided. He gave a tired nod in response, leaning forward and focusing on his screen once more.

“Come on, you need to get away from that for a while” this came from James, who put a hand on the top of his laptop and readied to push it shut.

Putting his own hand on the lid of his laptop to counter James’ movements, Richard shook his head.

“I can’t. Not right now, anyway” was his slightly snappy reply, before typing some more text into the document.

Above his head, James and Jeremy exchanged a look. Andy frowned, before turning on his heel and walking back to the door.

“I’ve got to see Iain about something, so I’ll meet you guys back here when you’re ready to go” he said softly, sharing a brief – yet significant – look with Jeremy, before exiting the presenter’s room.

As soon as Andy had left, Jeremy and James wasted no time and slumped (James with slightly more dignity than Jeremy) on either side of Richard.

“Alright, Hamster. What’s going on in that furry head of yours?” Jeremy asked, reaching over to playfully cuff the back of the head in question. His efforts were met with a tired glare, and he let his hand drop.

“Nothing. But I am trying to work” his response was a growl of genuine annoyance and frustration. Jeremy opened his mouth as if to say something else, but was met with another glare, this one much fiercer and held more warning than that of a venomous snake guarding her nest from an intruder. When no response was forthcoming, Richard turned back to his laptop, silently begging his two co-presenters to just leave him alone. He was on the precipice of his emotions right now, any further comment could be the straw that broke his camel’s back, and he seriously did not want that to happen.

James decided to have a go.

“Listen,” he began gingerly, “you’ve been working too damn hard this week, and we’re just saying you need to have a break from that script for a bit.”

“Yeah” Jeremy piped up again, “I mean, we know you’re a stubborn, determined little sod, but even you need to take a break!”

“I can’t. I’m already behind on this, I honestly can’t afford to lose much more time” he insisted, resting his hands on the laptop’s keyboard to try and mask their sudden shakiness, trying to swallow against the growing lump in his throat.

James noticed it though, and frowned as he took in his co-presenter’s appearance. Even by the light of the laptop screen, he could see the dark shadows and heavy bags under eyes that normally sparkled with mischief and cheekiness, that now were dull and tired. The pale skin was eerily lit by the light coming from the screen, giving it an almost ethereal glow and accentuating the shadows and the new lines that hadn’t been there this time last year. He also saw the obvious and frequent efforts to swallow, that one might associate with a sore, dry throat, or with the repression of some sort of emotion.

James’ suspicions of the latter were confirmed by the almost imperceptible sniffle.

Jeremy had heard it too, and his expression immediately softened, his heart breaking for his little friend. 

“Oh, Hamster” he murmured, with an almost heart-breaking fondness and gentleness.

That did it. The flood-gates opened, and all the hurt, confusion, depression, exhaustion and fear came spilling over the fractured walls, escaping as tears that dripped down from tightly closed eyes as they tried in vain to stem the flow. Shaky breaths tried to repress the sobs that begged to tear themselves out of the constricted throat. Head bowed, trying to use his hair and the low light to mask the whole sight from the two pairs of sad eyes that watched, he was trying desperately to hold it together.

A surprisingly gentle hand on his shoulder was all the invitation he needed to turn and curl into the closest warm body and let it all go.

****

**Author's Note:**

> What do you guys think? This is my first time writing TGUK, so I would love some feedback! :)


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